El psiquiatra Carlos Sirvent indica cómo detectar esta dependencia, que sufre el 8% de la población.
Ya lo decía hace una década, sin ningún tipo de base científica, aquel grupo de bachata con su machacona canción: No es amor, no es amor, es una obsesión. Y ahora lo corrobora, con sus investigaciones debajo del brazo, el psiquiatra especializado en adicciones Carlos Sirvent, quien recientemente explicó en la Universidad de Deusto cómo detectar la dependencia emocional, que afecta a un 8,6% de la población. "La adicción al amor es la perpetuación de la fase del enamoramiento de forma patológica", define para abrir boca. Esto es, querer estar pegado a la pareja veinticuatro horas, como si no hubiera un mañana, bombardearla a whatsapps y olvidarse de uno mismo y sus necesidades más básicas. Algo normal cuando se acaba de entablar una relación, pero que deja de serlo cuando las mariposillas del estómago ya no revolotean y se convierte en enfermizo.
Que no cunda el pánico entre las parejas tipo oso amoroso. "Una persona que esté muy enamorada, que quiera mucho al otro y que esté todo el día pensando en él, no es un adicto al amor. Es simplemente una persona que quiere mucho", aclara para alivio de los tórtolos este especialista, que se apresura a dar más pistas sobre quién padece realmente dependencia afectiva. "La persona se desestabiliza, sufre, tiene obsesión, depresión, neurosis, ansiedad... Una serie de síntomas que son precisamente los que definen esta adicción", subraya.
Estar colgado de la pareja no supone per se un problema. "La palabra enganche, por sí misma, no es patológica", apunta Sirvent. Otra cosa es lo que opine quien lleva a su novio o novia adosado todo el día a la chepa. "También hay que pensar en el otro. Hemos tenido casos de personas que mandaban cientos de mensajes a sus parejas. Ellos no sufrían, eran felices, pero el otro estaba agobiado. En esos casos hay un conflicto y, por tanto, se puede hablar de que hay un problema".
LOS CELOS SURGEN A POSTERIORI
"Si te dicen 'Eres mi droga', pero no te agobian, no es patológico"
Más allá de que pueda resultar o no una horterada, que alguien suelte a su pareja aquello de Eres mi droga no tiene por qué hacerle salir por patas. "Si te dicen Eres mi droga, pero no te agobian, ni te abruman, todavía no es patológico. La línea fronteriza del término está cuando hay una pérdida de control, cuando el sujeto del que se depende, es decir, la pareja, ya sufre demasiado porque eso ya no es amor, es asfixia". La persona dependiente, por su parte, "se obsesiona hasta tal punto que se olvida de sí mismo y de sus necesidades básicas, desatiende su trabajo... La obsesión es completa".
Podría equiparársele, en plan metafórico, con un drogodependiente que incluso sufre el mono si está alejado de la persona amada. "El sujeto vive instalado en una especie de binomio entre la felicidad, cuando tiene a la pareja, y la insoportabilidad, cuando esa persona está fuera. Sería ese binomio entre síndrome de abstinencia y utilizar a la persona como droga. Pero luego, cuando analizamos al sujeto las veinticuatro horas, vemos que tiene una especie de vacío existencial, que es el síntoma más importante", destaca el experto.
El abanico de adictos al amor es muy variopinto. "Vienen desde personas que tienen un carácter fuerte, que son lobos en su empresa y corderitos en la relación de pareja, hasta otros que son dependientes en la vida, que tienden a evitar situaciones, que son tímidos y se agarran a cualquier cosa para poder subsistir", explica este psiquiatra. Ni siquiera los celos tienen que ver. "El celo es secundario y se desarrolla una vez que existe la adicción, no antes. Son términos independientes. Hay personas que son muy celosas y son maltratadores. No quieren a la pareja, pero son celosas porque tienen ese sentimiento posesivo de lo que es la relación en general", expone.
NO SUELEN RECONOCER EL PROBLEMA
"Se confunde adicción al amor y al sexo y no tienen nada que ver"
Cuenta este psiquiatra, que dirige la Fundación Instituto Spiral, organización dedicada a las adicciones y la salud mental, que hace unos años publicaron un anuncio en un periódico de Asturias que decía Buscamos adictos al amor para hacer un estudio de investigación. "Acudieron 85 personas en un solo día. Curiosamente las mujeres que se presentaron eran dependientes emocionales y los varones eran adictos al sexo. En muchas ocasiones se confunde una adicción al sexo con una adicción al amor, pero no tienen nada que ver. Son conceptos distintos, que tienen un tratamiento diferente", remarca.
Metidos en harina, cuando el estudio se llevó a cabo, constataron que hombres y mujeres se enganchan patológicamente a sus parejas en la misma medida. "Hicimos un test que detectaba dependencia emocional a 500 personas y resultó que un 8,6% de la población, hombres y mujeres por igual, tenía este problema. La diferencia es que la mujer es menos soberbia a la hora de reconocerlo y pide ayuda con más facilidad que el hombre", detalla Sirvent.
Dar el paso de acudir a un especialista no suele ser fácil porque la mayoría de los afectados no considera que tiene un problema. "Todo el mundo se da cuenta de que está pasando algo raro: la pareja, la familia, los amigos, pero la persona no lo entiende, como ocurre en la mayor parte de los problemas de salud mental. Cuando llega una situación extrema, como una ruptura, la persona acude al terapeuta y éste es el que le tiene que hacer tomar conciencia de lo que le pasa. Una vez que se ha dado cuenta, tiene que aprender que la imagen sublimada que tenía de su pareja no es la real y tiene que elaborar un duelo".
DEL 'CALZONAZOS' AL MALTRATADOR
"El donjuán se desenamora y el adicto se queda enganchado"
Puestos a analizar roles masculinos, este psiquiatra explica qué separa a un conquistador de un dependiente afectivo. "La diferencia entre un donjuán y un adicto al amor es que el primero tiene como objetivo la conquista y, una vez que se enamora, se desenamora con la misma facilidad. Sin embargo, el adicto al amor queda enganchado en todas las relaciones, no cierra ninguna y sufre con todas ellas".
A buen seguro que más de un hombre que bebe los vientos por su pareja ha sido tildado en alguna ocasión de calzonazos, una figura sobre la que también reflexiona este médico. "El calzonazos es dominado y, al mismo tiempo, tiene dependencia, pero también hay muchos hombres dependientes que pueden ser todo lo contrario. Son violentos, dominantes y maltratadores y son adictos al amor. Esta es una combinación terrible, porque el dominador no deja libertad a la mujer. De ahí la frase diabólica de un maltratador: La maté porque era mía. Se pueden dar todas las posibilidades". Esas y muchas más, porque "hay otras patologías de la relación, como personas que no saben estar en pareja, que rehúyen el compromiso o son eternas insatisfechas". Con este panorama a Cupido se le van a oxidar las flechas.
Fuente: deia.com/2013/12/08/
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