Si hiciéramos una lista de las cosas que necesitamos para ser más felices, es posible que incluyéramos tener pareja, casarnos o evitar una posible separación. La ciencia se ha remangado y ha analizado si toda esta lista de cosas maravillosas realmente nos aportarían la felicidad que buscamos (...).
1. Seré feliz cuando me case con la persona adecuada.
Casarse nos hace felices (al igual que genera un estrés no siempre valorado a priori, pero eso da para otro tipo de análisis). El problema no es contraer matrimonio, la dificultad surge cuando uno lleva casado más de dos años según la psicología. En 2003 investigadores europeos y americanos monitorizaron a un grupo de 1.761 personas que se casaron y cuyo matrimonio duró al menos quince años. Los resultados fueron claros: los matrimonios recientes experimentan una gran felicidad durante los dos primeros años. Pasado ese tiempo, los niveles de felicidad regresan al mismo nivel en el que se encontraban. Este estudio ha sido replicado obteniendo resultados similares en varias ocasiones. Así pues, lo importante no es casarse sino mantenerse feliz pasado el momento del entusiasmo de los primeros años.
2. No puedo ser feliz cuando mi relación se ha roto.
Otro mito en la felicidad. Cuando rompemos nuestras relaciones sentimentales, ocurren dos fenómenos al mismo tiempo: por un lado, sobrestimamos lo vivido. En ese momento nos martilleamos con todos los bonitos momentos que hemos perdido, instantes, músicas, palabras dichas… y dejamos aparcados los amargos (nunca sabré si hay algo de disfrute en esa extraña tortura a la que nosotros solos nos sometemos). Y por otro lado, subestimamos nuestra capacidad de resiliencia, es decir, de saber remontarnos de situaciones difíciles. El escenario que se construye en nuestra cabeza está relacionado con la vida que dejamos de tener, que creemos que va a ser mucho mejor que la que el futuro nos depara. Una vez más, la ciencia investiga sobre nuestra predisposición a la felicidad en este tema. Sonja Lyubornirsky nuevamente concluye: dos años antes de separarnos registramos los momentos de menos felicidad y a los cuatro años de divorcio en situaciones realmente complicadas, nos encontramos significativamente más felices de lo que fuimos mientras estuvimos casados. No está mal para desmontar un mito.
3. Necesito una pareja.
Muchos de nosotros pensamos que el hecho de no tener un compañero o compañera sentimental nos hará infelices para siempre. Personalmente, creo que Hollywood se encarga de ello porque curiosamente casi todas las películas terminan en el momento del encuentro y obvian la rutina de la pareja. Pues bien, hay estudios que demuestran que no existen diferencias en los niveles de felicidad entre las personas solteras y las casadas, y que las solteras encuentran más felicidad y significado en otras relaciones y ocupaciones. Ahora bien, aquí vale la pena remarcar una idea. Si uno no se da cuenta de la ventajas de la soltería, puede embarcarse en relaciones poco satisfactorias o de poco peso, como demostró en su libro Bella DePaulo y como seguro más de uno habrá vivido en sus propias carnes.
FÓRMULA:
Casarnos, evitar una posible separación o tener pareja no nos hacen felices necesariamente.
RECETAS:
1. Reflexiona sobre cuál es tu situación en el mundo de la pareja y qué te dices a ti mismo que crees que aumentaría tu felicidad: tener a alguien, separarte… ¿Cuáles son tus propios mitos?
2. Piensa en momentos pasados cuando estabas soltero o antes del divorcio. Sé honesto contigo mismo y encuentra aquellos otros detalles que habitualmente obviamos: los malos momentos cuando estábamos con ella o con él; o los buenos cuando disfrutábamos de la soltería.
3. Y por supuesto, toma las decisiones que requieres con valentía: A veces, es luchar por una relación; en otras, es rendirse a la evidencia. La vida pasa demasiado deprisa para quedarse atrapado en futuribles.
Escrito por Pilar Jericó - El País Semanal. http://bit.ly/1a3svAH
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